Did What I Say Mean Anything To You?
Every single person has a universal desire to be seen, to be heard, and to know that they matter.
"One of the deepest longings of the human soul is to be seen." - John O'Donohue
If you’d like to understand the foundational element of our interactions, relationships, and arguments, remember that every single person you will ever meet shares this universal desire — to be seen, to be heard, and to know that they matter. It is the essence of our shared humanity.
Oprah Winfrey is a cultural icon who produced and hosted "The Oprah Winfrey Show" — an American daytime talk show that was broadcast across the United States for 25 seasons (1986-2011). The show was the highest-rated daytime talk show in American television history and received 47 Daytime Emmy Awards (before Winfrey decided to stop submitting it for Emmy consideration in 2000).
During her final episode on May 25th, 2011, Oprah shared the following insight with her audience:
"I've talked to nearly 30,000 people on this show, and all 30,000 had one thing in common: They all wanted validation. If I could reach through this television and sit on your sofa or sit on a stool in your kitchen right now, I would tell you that every single person you will ever meet shares that common desire. They want to know: 'Do you see me? Do you hear me? Does what I say mean anything to you?'
While on the David Rubinstein show years later, Oprah said that every person she ever interviewed said a variation of the same phrase to her after the cameras stopped rolling: “How was that? Was that okay?”. And she realized that in every encounter and every argument with another person, all that person wants to know is, “Did you hear me? Did you see me? And did I say anything that mattered?” [I recommend watching this two-minute video to hear Oprah’s eloquence].
Oprah says that offering validation is the simple act of letting people know: "I see you. I hear you. And what you say matters." And that it’s the most important thing we can give to each other.
We are all bound by this common thread — this intrinsic need to be seen, to be heard, and to feel like we matter. It shapes our interactions in our homes, offices, and coffee shops; and drives our political and social movements.
May you be seen. May you be heard. And may your presence always be cherished.
P.S: This is a picture of my two boys. I strive to let them know every day how much I see, hear, and cherish them.
