Loving Silences

The best problem solvers are the best listeners.

"Do you want me to propose a solution, solve it for you, or just listen?"

If you're called to solve problems at home or at work, this is a question worth asking.

Have you ever had someone come to you with a problem, say they would like your help, start describing the issue, and then end up working out a solution by themselves? They might even end the conversation by saying, “Thank you, you were really helpful!”.

And was it very hard for you to not propose a solution while the other person spoke, and then wonder how you could possibly have been helpful?

The truth is that you WERE helpful — you listened. You provided a sounding board, and you gave the other person space to explain, explore, and enunciate. This is listening with generosity and empathy - because even though you might have known the answer, you allowed the other person to be seen, to be heard, and to know that what they say matters.

I love what Rachel Naomi Remen, the author and professor of integrative medicine, says:

“The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention...A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words.”

It explains why the best problem solvers are the best listeners. The best problem solvers know that now is not THEIR moment to be seen and heard, but the moment of the person with the problem.

Please watch this famous and hilarious short video called "It's Not About The Nail" (1m:42s | watched 25 MILLION TIMES). It stars Monica Barbaro (who later starred in "Top Gun: Maverick") and Jason Headley (writer/director). It illustrates the need for loving silences in our lives.

May you 2024 be filled with loving silences, generous listening, and (in the words of Tony Robbins) hearing what isn't said.

Sometimes, listening is all we are called to do.